IM JUST SAYIN!

Today marks 30 days since I began my trip to Panama, and I have to say that it has gone by really fast.  I’ve had a great time these last 30 days, and have learned a lot, not just about this beautiful country, but about myself.  I can honestly say that this is the best I’ve felt physically and mentally in several years.  My mind is clear and while I’m not doing anything other than living day to day, I am truly loving life.  on the days that I don’t play golf I walk an average of 3 to 4 miles.  Once I got past being distracted by the view from my home office, I actually manage to work between 4 and 5 hours a day.  Tuesday and Thursday are golf days, and we’re usually done by noon which gives me time to get back and reply to emails and return client calls.  Once a week, I make it over to Valentino Siento cigar club to hang out and have a cigar and a couple of Mojito’s or some Jack Daniels. A couple of days each week I try to study and improve on my Spanish, but trust me, it’s a work in progress.

The people in Panama have to be among the friendliest in the world.  They are very welcoming, honest and hardworking people. The city is safe and I’m able to walk anywhere stress free.  I’ve walked through what most would consider the worse neighborhoods in Panama City at night and never had a single problem.  That’s not to say there is no crime, as I’m sure there is, but it’s rare, and most crimes are what people here call crimes of opportunity.  If you leave something of value out, it may get stolen, but that’s true anywhere in the world, but on the flip side, you hear stories of people losing wallets, passports or other items of value and everything being returned unopened.  Panamanians are patient (unless their driving), and most aren’t in much of a rush which is both good and bad.  If I had to choose the one thing that I’m most surprised by in myself, it would be how patient I can be.  I try to live my life at their pace, and I have to admit that it was a bit difficult for the first couple of weeks, but I’ve settled in and now it’s all good. The traffic in and around the city can be hideous, so patience is definitely a necessity.  One day it takes 25 minutes for my Uber to get to the golf course, and the next it can take an hour, it just depends on traffic and road conditions.  For the most part the roads in the city are good, but once you go a little outside of the city limits, they are pretty bad, and you can see drivers weaving all over the place to miss potholes. Given the traffic, and the way that people drive I’m amazed that there aren’t literally a hundred accidents every day, but somehow, they avoid each other. I take Uber everywhere, and honestly there are times when I think I’m going to die or be seriously injured in an accident. Traffic can be bumper to bumper, and a car entering the street will just nudge their way out in front of the vehicle that one would assume has the right of way. In a 10-minute uber ride, this can happen 10 times, but I’ve come to realize that this is how they drive and that they actually know what they’re doing.

The cost of living here is absolutely amazing, although it has to be for the average Panamanian to get by.  I live in one of the best neighborhoods in the city, and my 3-month stay will cost me less than $5000 for rent and utilities.  I have a view that is one of the best in the entire city and go to sleep and wake up to the ocean waves every day. Someone told me that a dozen eggs back home is about $8, well that same dozen large eggs here cost between $2.75 and $3.50 depending on where you buy them.  I think that I’ve cooked twice since I’ve been here because it just doesn’t make sense to cook when on average, I can buy a dinner meal for less than $5.  Two days ago, I purchased a full meal, rice, beans, chicken, salad and fruit for $3.48 and had enough left over for the next day.  A 1-liter bottle of Jack Daniels is $28.50 at the local Price Mart (Costco) and a 2-liter bottle of Kirkland Vodka is $18. On the days that I want to treat myself, I have dinner at the cigar club where a full meal cost in the neighborhood of $25 which includes the appetizer and some days after golf, I get the lunch special at the Tucan 19^th hole which includes the full meal, soup, desert and a drink for $9.  Aside from what I’ve listed, there isn’t much else that I want or need that I didn’t already have when I got here. 

I absolutely love it here, but there are some things that I miss about being at home, not the least of which is the ability to see my grandchildren, hanging out with my close friends and talking smack at Fauquier Springs several days a week, coming home to that big house every day, and of course driving my truck. I miss things like Woodford Reserve (they don’t have it here) and being able to order from Amazon and getting it the next day. The list of things that I don’t miss is way too long to list, and not worth mentioning.  I’ll get used to not readily having the things and people that I miss at some point, and life will go on. While I never gave it much thought until now, I think it’s probably a coin flip as to whether I will someday leave the US permanently, but for now I’m just going to try and enjoy the next couple of months and hope that it’s starting to get warm back in VA by the end of March.

Over the next 2 months I’m going to start seeing some other parts of the country, so be sure to keep up with me on my page at Adventures in Panama.

As some already know, my wife has been ill for several years now, to the point where she is homebound.  Many of my close friends have heard the stories about her only wanting to watch Little House on The Prairie from the time that she wakes up each day until she goes to sleep at night.  On Sundays between laundry, cooking and other chores, I try to sit and watch a couple of episodes with her, and this article was inspired by a Little House episode that we watched together today.

The story line is about an eighty, year old woman whose close friend dies without having seen any of her family for a number of years.  After attending her friend’s funeral, she realizes that she hasn’t seen any of her three children for nearly fifteen years as well.  In my view, she comes up with a brilliant idea to ask Charles Ingles and the local doctor to write to her children as well as her friends and relatives telling them that she has died in an effort to get them to come to her wake.  Her scheme works, they all show up, and by now you should know the rest of that story.

So, what is this really about?  My father died when I was 14 years old, and my stepdad when I was 20.  My mom lived to almost 91 and despite her advanced age, we all showed up with tears in our eyes professing our love and sorrow for her passing.  From the time that I left to join the Army in 1972 until the day she died, I sent a check to my mother to help her get by.  When I left the Army, and moved to AZ, she was living in Michigan, so I only visited every couple of years.  Eventually I moved back east, and mom moved to AZ to live with my younger sister, and since I loved the southwest, I would visit once or twice a year.  I know that some will say that I visited a couple of times a year and think that was pretty good but given my resources I could have done much better, and I assure you, mom would have taken less money and more visits all those years. 

So, to those of you who’s parents are still living, regardless your age or theirs, please don’t be like the children of the woman in that Little House episode.  Your parents won’t always be here, and when their gone, you will miss them.  Don’t let the next time that you see your mother or father be in a hospital bed, casket, or at a Memorial service.  If your parents are still living, you have a unique opportunity to show them just how much you love and care for them while they are still living.  It’s easy to show up at the wake, funeral or memorial service with tears in your eyes and tell stories about how great your mom or dad was; but if you really love and cherish your parents, visit them while they are still here.  Let them know that you love and cherish them today, because the day will come when it’s too late! 

I’m Just Sayin!

Almost 16 years ago my wife who to that point had always hated being around dogs decided that she wanted one. I didn’t really want a dog, but if she wanted a dog, it was like everything else, if she wanted a dog, she was going to have a dog. She did her research, and decided that a she wanted a Havanese which was a breed that I had never heard of, but if it was what she wanted and she was going to take care of him it was fine with me. Six weeks later my wife and daughter drove to New Market, VA and came back with a spotted black and white Havanese puppy. He was a friendly pup, but like I said, I didn’t really want a dog, so I just continued to go about my business. Problem for me was that everywhere in the house that I went, the dog would follow, and we all know how that goes long term.

Several days later we still had not named my wife’s little puppy and despite my giving her name after name, she didn’t like any of them. That weekend we were at Fauquier Springs Country Club for dinner and while waiting to be seated I ordered a drink and struck up a conversation with Brandon the bartender.  We told Brandon about our new Havenese puppy and how we were struggling to name him. He asked what the dog looked like and I said that he was black and white and immediately, he said sounds like a domino.  My wife loved the name, and thus Domino officially became part of our family. 

After about 18 months, my wife decided that she didn’t really want a dog and she wanted to give Domino away, to which I said, “Domino is family, you can’t give him away”.  Her reply was ok, now he’s your dog! 

Now as I’ve said several times, I never wanted a dog, but Domino was not just any dog.  Every day for nearly 16 years, when he heard my key in the door, Domino would come running to greet me.  Every single day, sometimes two, three or four times a day he would head to that door to greet me.  When he was a puppy, he would sit on my lap at night while I was reading or watching TV and he was the perfect partner because he never once asked for anything to drink other than water.  Because he didn’t have any other dogs around to learn from, Domino never barked or went up and down stairs until he was probably 5 years old.  When my wife fell ill and had to spend 30 days in the hospital, my friends Ben and Ann let him stay with them so that I could stay at the hospital for almost a month.  They had 3 dogs, so Domino was able to finally learn how to be a dog, he learned to climb stairs, and yes to bark as well.  When he returned home, much to my surprise he was able to follow me into the basement and the first time that I heard him bark was one evening when my wife when she came home from church and came over to hug me.  Poor Domino, although he had learned to be a dog, he would never learn to not piss off the lady of the house😊

Domino had a really good life, he had health and dental insurance, he had his own room in the house, and when we traveled, he was allowed to stay in the local pet motel, sometimes for days on end.  I still remember the look on the guys faces at the club when I told them that I had to take Domino to the Dentist😊  

Yes, Domino was much more than just a dog, he was my friend, confidant, my brother and my son.  He never talked back, and always understood when I couldn’t be there, he never judged, and he was always there to listen.  I’m really going to miss my old friend, but I know that he’s in Doggie Heaven and that one day I’ll be with him again. 

Love you man!

p.s. I’ll never forget how hard Ben and I laughed the day that you humped Whit’s leg😊

My first encounter with computers was in 1971 when I decided to sign up for computer programming classes at the Electronic Computer Programming Institute (ECPI).  I think that ECPI was one of the first computer training centers in the country and today ECPI University has degrees in everything from computers to nursing.  From my first day at ECPI until today, I have absolutely loved computers. I spent most of the 1980’s as a Systems Engineer, traveling the world installing systems and teaching others to use them.  I met my wife of more than thirty years while teaching systems operation in South Carolina in 1986.

Now that you know how much I love, and not hate computers, hopefully you will understand that my issues aren’t with computers and smart phones, but with the people who use them.  You see, some of you people are making me crazy with how you use email, text messages and your cell phone.  Here are just a couple of examples:

• Email Only Please – I really don’t like you people, you act as though talking is a crime or perhaps it’s like having a tooth pulled.  You send everything via  email because you think that it’s better to have everything in writing.  Why is it that people can’t see that email in most cases is about as clear as mud!  Not does email not clarify things, it often fosters misunderstandings.  I’ve seen email threads that go on for days because people simply won’t either pickup or answer the phone.  This despite the fact that the question or issue could have been resolved in minutes by having a verbal conversation.  I think that many people like email so much because it allows them to say things that they would never say in a face to face or telephone conversation.  Here’s an idea that we can all use; read your email a couple of times before pressing send, and if it’s not something that you would say to that person’s face, delete it.  By doing so, you might keep a friend or better still not blow that big deal at work that you’ve been working so hard on for weeks.
• Next up are you “Reply All” people for which I am certain there’s a special place in hell.  So, someone sends an email to a group of let’s say 30 people for an upcoming meeting and request that you RSVP.  The appropriate response would be for everyone to reply, back to the person who sent the original email with a yes or no reply, but that almost never happens.  More often than not, over half of the people to whom the email was sent will reply all.  This means that the rest of the group will now get your message, as though everyone cares if you can make the meeting or not.  This also means that the rest of us will get ten to twenty replies that we didn’t ask for and don’t really care about and now we have to delete.  The reply all button should only be used if what you have to say is relevant to everyone listed, if that isn’t the case, then just reply, back to the originator.  I once got an email from the Hispanic Agent’s Association that was sent to more than 300 people and took me 3 days before I could get myself removed. I had to delete several hundred emails because everyone kept replying to all.  I know that for the most part there aren’t any rules when it comes to email, but at some point, common sense needs to prevail.    
• Hang up and call back people – yes, you know who you are, and you’re going to be sharing that cell in hell with the reply all guy.  I know that I can’t be the only person who hates it when someone calls my number and I’m either on the other line or busy doing something else that prevents me from answering and some idiot just hangs up and calls right back.  Did it ever occur to you that there might be a good reason why I didn’t answer?  The sole purpose for voice mail is so that if someone doesn’t answer you can leave a message.  Sometimes the same person will hang up and call back two or three times and never leave a message.  Now I know who it is because they come up on the call log, but I refuse to call them back simply because he/she is just so annoying.  I know that we’re all important (at least in our own minds), but if you call someone and get their voicemail, just leave a message.  If they want to talk to you, they’ll call you back and if they don’t, well hopefully you get the message the first time.  By the way, if you get a busy signal, it’s ok to call back.

Like I said in the beginning, I love computers and technology in general, but technology is not a substitute for personal interaction or the use of good old, fashioned common sense.  When I started this blog, my first article was about how my dad thought that TV would turn us into a nation of idiots, if only he was around to see what computers, cell phones and tablets have done to us.

I’m Just Sayin!

On my hour long drive home from the office this evening as I listened to one of my favorite talk radio hosts, someone called in and said something not so kind about police officers. I won’t repeat what was said because it really doesn’t bear repeating, but it suffices to say that it was something I not only didn’t like and certainly didn’t agree with. To that end, I want to start a campaign that I’m calling “Thank a Cop”. This isn’t an original idea on my part, as it is born out of something that happens to me nearly every time that I wear one of my US Army hats. It doesn’t matter if I’m traveling by plane, train or automobile, someone will see the hat and come over, offer a handshake and thank me for my service to the country. When I tell them that I’ve been out of the Army for more than 30 years, most just repeat, thank you for doing what so many either can’t or won’t do. I remember how surprised I was the first time someone approached me at Dulles airport and offered to pay for my drink as a thank you. I tried to tell the person that it wasn’t necessary, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. In Atlanta, several months ago I watched in amazement as people in an airport restaurant rushed to be the first to pay for the meal of a soldier who was traveling. I served during the Vietnam War and still remember being instructed not to wear my uniform when traveling for fear someone would try to bring us harm so it definitely is a pleasure to see the change that has taken place over the years.

I now want to extend that spirit to police officers all over America so that they know how much the rest of us appreciate what they do for us every day. That’s right I want you to, “THANK A COP” I know that most who read this will support my effort, but for those of you who have doubts, think about the following. There are easily over 100,000 police officers in America, and 99% serve without ever expecting or receiving a thank you from anyone and yet if one goes astray, we condemn everyone wearing the uniform. Condemning all officers for the acts of a few is no more fair than saying that because one black man robs a 7-11, all black men are robbers! Who do you call when someone breaks into your house or car? If we get robbed, have an emergency with a family member, have an automobile accident, we all reach for the phone to call the police. If your child disappears, or you can’t reach a loved one by phone, you call the police. So please “Thank a Cop”.

I bet that everyone reading this either knows someone who works in law enforcement or perhaps like me has a family member who does. At Thanksgiving this year my brother in-law along with many thousands of other officers were on call throughout the entire Thanksgiving weekend and we all know that those same officers are on call over the Christmas and New Year holidays as well.

Think about how great you feel when someone says thank you for doing your job well? Now, think about what a police officer goes through to do his/her job and how great it would feel if people just randomly started coming up to them and saying something like “thank you officer for protecting my community”. No matter where you live the Thank a Cop campaign will help your community and everyone in it regardless of social economic status. It will also tell the police that most of the community is with them.

Since I’m hoping this campaign will go viral, let me be the first to say to the police officers of my small community of Warrenton, Virginia, THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING MY COMMUNITY. Since I travel a lot, let me also say thanks to police officers everywhere, please know that most Americans respect and appreciate you.

I am asking that if you have a chance to read this that you please Share on Your Face Book and Twitter feeds.

I’m Just Sayin. #Thank a Cop       

A couple of days ago I engaged in a social network exchange with someone who I wouldn’t say is a friend, but that I have known for several years and have a limited knowledge of his background so I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to his views on people who don’t look like him.  This person was taking issue with President Obama’s statement on Ferguson, MO in which he stated that there are things that need to change in America when it comes to the interaction between black youth and the police.  My greatest concern with this person’s position that he believes that nothing needs to change.  This person is an elected official in my community and I’m sure that while his views are reflective of those in the part of our community that he represents I expect more than group think from those serving the public.  My father used to teach us that everyone is entitled to their view, even if it’s wrong so while I respect his view we can agree to disagree.

I can see all of you right now, you haven’t read the article yet, but like a bunch of boxers, you’re running to your respective racial corners, preparing to refute what I’m about to say and defend your positions! Well you can stop running, this article isn’t about accusing anyone of anything, it’s not about how awful white or black people are and it’s not really about the police or the justice system.  So now that we’re all hopefully relaxed I will begin with what I consider to be some of the more obvious points in the debate on race in America.

• Let’s all just stipulate to the fact that we don’t know each other.  Although we work together, most blacks and whites don’t socialize beyond a certain point.  The exception is that when people are young there appears to be greater socialization but as they get older those same young people move to their respective race based social corners.  There are exceptions of course but generally speaking what was just stated is a truism.  The result of not knowing someone beyond the fringes is that you can’t understand the thinking, situation or issues that person may have.  We learn about each other through the media which is at best distorted and biased.  Ask yourself, why is it that if you’re friends with someone at age 15 or 16 you would allow society to separate you at 25 or 30?  Why not stay in touch with that person, have
• Some coffee or dinner on occasion and maintain your friendship.  Worse case is that you’ll have a friend for life and perhaps even have a better understanding of his/her culture.  Understanding others culture is essential to understanding those who don’t share your race or background.
• Stop getting your information about me from your TV set!  You can’t learn about me nor me about you by watching Fox, CNN, ABC, CBS, or NBC.  Let’s take a short look at how we’re portrayed by the media.  Black people are portrayed in the media as criminals who come from families where everyone is on welfare or some other public assistance.  According to media outlets, there are no poor people of any other race in America, or if there are, they’re too hard to find to put in their stories about poverty and public assistance.  Negative stereotypes about black people are a daily occurrence in our media and because you don’t know us, it makes it easier for you to believe those negative stereotypes.  Despite the facts, whites are almost never shown as poor or collecting assistance but anyone who does just the minimal amount of research would be able to see that there are actually many more whites collecting SSI, food stamps and other assistance than all other races combined.  Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely not saying that I begrudge people assistance regardless of skin color, I just hate that when the media tries to put a face on public assistance, poverty and crime they always use black faces.
• Let’s all learn to accept that our legal system isn’t perfect and that sometimes the guilty go free, sometimes the innocent are jailed in error, but overall it works.  I remember when OJ was acquitted, white people thought it was the greatest injustice in American history to the point that some were calling for changes to our legal system so that it couldn’t happen again.  Each time that black people think they have been wronged, we also want to change the legal system as well.  Let’s face it, the system isn’t perfect, and contrary to what some would say, it may not even be the world’s best system, but it is our system.   My advice is stay out of the system and you don’t have to worry about it working for or against you.
• A quick look through social media comments suggest that many whites believe that all black people support violence, rioting and hate for the police when nothing could be further from the truth.  I would never portend to speak for all black people, but I assure that more have my view than the opposite.  It has never made sense to me to riot and burn down your own neighborhood because something didn’t go the way you think it should.  People who engage in such activity are fools who don’t really care about justice, their looking for a reason to loot and raise hell.  Anyone who’s ever been in a predominately black neighborhood knows how hard it is to get businesses to set up shop in those areas.  Given that fact, how can anyone condone or think it’s a good idea to burn down the business of a person who provides much needed services in your neighborhood knowing that once those businesses are gone, they are not coming back.  The very sad fact is that 95 percent of black people in these neighborhoods are hard workers just trying to make a living and support their families just like the rest of society.
• The police and black people both need to check themselves and evaluate their attitudes towards one another.  Black people have to recognize that all police officers aren’t the enemy and the police need to be trained to not view every black person they encounter as a criminal or a threat.  I often relate the story to friends about the number of times I’ve been pulled over for speeding and how I respond when asked what sometimes appear to be silly questions on the part of the officer.  My favorite is when I’ve given the officer my license and registration as requested and he comes back and ask if it’s my carJ  Although I consider it a silly question, I always simply answer yes with a slight smile.  Several years ago I was headed to an appointment late in the afternoon in what some would consider not the best neighborhood.  I was wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase when a patrol car pulled up and the officer asked if I lived in the area.   When I responded no, he asked what I was in the neighborhood for and if he could see my ID?  Without asking why or any other questions, I placed my briefcase on the ground and pulled out my driver’s license; once he saw my ID, he handed it back to me and explained that I was in an area where there had been some drug traffic, he then thanked me and drove off. I could have tried to play 20 questions with the officer but I realized that he’s just trying to do his job.  I think that sometimes we’re so offended that we’re stopped by the police, we lose sight of the fact that they have a job to do.  It’s annoying I know, but I just choose to see it as part of the world that I live in.  The only requirement that I have of the police is that they treat me with respect as I make it a point to show them the respect that their job demands.
• Finally, I had a Caucasian friend tell me once that he was confused about what black people want or expect in America.  This is a very easy question for me so let me share some of my answer with you.  First of all we want the exact same things that every other American wants as an American citizen.

1.  I want to be treated with dignity, respect, and fairness.  That doesn’t mean that I want special treatment, it means that I want you to treat me the same way that you want to be treated.
2. I want my grandsons to be able to walk down the street without being stopped and harassed for no reason.  I don’t want them suspended or thrown out of school for something that a student of a different race wouldn’t receive the same punishment for.
3. I want you to recognize that my ancestors helped build this country into what it is today.  Recognize that I, all of my brothers and thousands upon thousands of other black men served in the US military to protect this country and your rights. Fair treatment isn’t your gift to us, we earned it.
4. Just as I recognize that only a small percentage of white people are racist idiots, I want you to recognize that only a small percentage of black people are thugs who you need to be afraid of.  And while I know that when you see me you can’t tell if I’m a thug, please remember that when I see you, I can’t tell if you’re a racist idiot, but I promise to treat you with dignity and respect unless you give me reason to do otherwise, so please do the same for me!
5. I simply want to live in peace and harmony in my country.  I am an American just like you, so I want all of the protections provided by our precious constitution, nothing more, and absolutely nothing less.

This is not, nor was it intended to be all encompassing but it is probably a good starting point.  The most important thing that you can show another human being is love and respect.  While it’s nice to be loved by all that may be asking too much, so I’ll take respect and in return I will show you the same.  If we all just extend that small courtesy to one another our country will be a 100 percent better place for all of us to live.

I’m Just Sayin!

Before I start, I want to make it clear that unlike many black people, I have spent my entire life living, working and socializing with white people.  I went to school with white kids from first grade all the way through four years of college, I served with every race in the US Army for seven years, and have spent my entire adult life working in environments where I was either the only black person, or one of less than a handful.  Given my experience I absolutely know that most white people are not racist, or that they hate black people, I also absolutely know that most black people aren’t criminals, thugs, lazy or are on welfare.  I also know without question that I probably wouldn’t be where I am in life without a hand up from any number of people who look nothing like me.  I love my country and wouldn’t trade life in America for any other place in the world so I want to write about something that I believe most of us never consider when it comes to race issues in America and that’s Cultural Conditioning (CC).

Let’s start with 3 definitions of Cultural Conditioning:

For me, Cultural Conditioning is how we think about ourselves and those around us, it’s how we view the rest of our countrymen and women.  Cultural conditioning basically determines our prejudices, who we like and dislike without regard to rhyme or reason.

Conrad Phillip Kottak (in Window on Humanity) writes:

Enculturation is the process where the culture that is currently established teaches an individual the accepted norms and values of the culture or society where the individual lives. The individual can become an accepted member and fulfill the needed functions and roles of the group. Most importantly the individual knows and establishes a context of boundaries and accepted behavior that dictates what is acceptable and not acceptable within the framework of that society. It teaches the individual their role within society as well as what is accepted behavior within that society and lifestyle”

Talk show host Joe Madison describes Cultural Conditioning in this way:

In this country, we are culturally conditioned to believe that white is superior and black is inferior; and the manifestation of this conditioning, causes black people to be underestimated, undervalued and marginalized.

Given the effects of Cultural Conditioning, It’s sometimes hard to make another black person understand that what a white person says or does isn’t racist, but rather just cultural and it’s equally as hard to convince my white friends that much of what they see in black life is also cultural in nature.  I personally never gave much thought to race until 6 years ago when we elected a black man as president and I have to admit that I was not only surprised, but shocked by the number of people who seemingly came out of the woodwork and from under rocks to express their racist and hateful views of not just the president, but of black people in general.  I was equally stunned by the response of many blacks when they blindly lined up behind the president as though he could do no wrong, but both of these reactions are Cultural Conditioning in its purest form.  Much of what has occurred in the past 6 years has nothing to do with policy, but much more with our Cultural Conditioning as a nation and each reaction is purely based on skin color for most people.  America is supposed to be “Post Racial”, however unfortunately not only are we not post racial, we could be worse off than before Mr. Obama got elected.  The doors of Cultural Conditioning swing both ways as both blacks and whites have negative stereotypes about black people.  Both whites and blacks are guilty of stereotyping black people as being lazy, not being smart, thuggish, and so on.  Let me give you a couple of quick examples.

When I started writing my Blog, I remember talking to a white friend who I had known for more than 10 years about an article that I had just published and the conversation went something like this; 

Friend– I didn’t know that you could write

Me – I’m not sure what you mean?

Friend – your article was really well written, did you write and edit it yourself?

Me – why wouldn’t you think that I can write, I did spend 4 years in college.

Friend – I knew that you spoke well, but I just never thought about you writing.

Now listen to a very similar conversation with a black friend that at the time I had known for more than 20 years.

Friend – Did you write and edit that article all by yourself?

Me – yes, why?

Friend –I didn’t know that you could write.  Where did you learn to write like that?

Me – I have a college degree, so why wouldn’t I be able to write?

Friend – I just never thought about you writing and that was really well written.

This is a classic example of what Madison is saying when he says that blacks are undervalued, under estimated and marginalized.  Look at the language, that both my black and white friend used, both were culturally conditioned to believe that I shouldn’t be able to write well, that being articulate and possessing the ability to speak well is an aberration and out of the norm. Unfortunately this is not an uncommon occurrence for most black people, you see we’re not supposed to be smart, speak well or possess the ability to be successful in life and more unfortunate is the fact that it isn’t just white people who believe this, but blacks believe it as well!  I remember attending a fashion show in Scottsdale, AZ several years ago with my wife when a lady tripped on some cables that the production crew had run across the floor.  In an attempt to be a gentleman, I reached out my hand and helped her up, only to find myself on the wrong end of a tirade about how you people need to do a better job and not put cables that aren’t taped down.  When she finished yelling, I explained to her that I was sure that the help even in this posh resort didn’t wear Armani, at which time I fully expected an apology but not surprisingly, none was forth coming, she just turned and walked away in a huff, seemingly disappointed that the one black man in the room wasn’t the hired help.

I can still remember conversations I overheard as a kid between my dad and some of his friends about a local black insurance agent from whom my dad purchased a life insurance policy.  Dad’s two friends couldn’t believe that he was doing business with the black guy because as they put it, if you want to make sure the guy isn’t a crook and that his company will pay he should be doing business with the white agent down town. 

Perhaps my favorite example of CC is when black people tell me that I talk white or act white because I worked hard to get a good education and build a successful business.  In many black communities, our children are taught that to be smart isn’t cool, that to study in class, do your homework and stay away from knuckle heads who get in trouble just isn’t cool.  The really unfortunate part about this kind of thinking is that it serves to ensure that those kids grow into adults who continue the cycle of poverty that encompasses so many black communities.  The flip side to this is that many whites don’t see or believe that there are white communities in America that are no better off, where there are white children born into generational poverty as well with no way out because no value is placed on education. 

And finally, we’ve all heard (or if you’re black experienced) of the black guy on the elevator with the white woman who can be seen clutching her purse closer as though he might leap on her and snatch her purse in the elevator:-)  I put a smile face at the end of that sentence because I’ve almost always found that circumstance kind of funny, don’t really know why, I just get humor out of it even when it happens to me with mostly silver hair.

So how do we fix our Cultural Conditioning problem in America?  We don’t!  That’s right we don’t fix it. Now that you know it exist perhaps you should be more conscious of it but this is something that has taken hundreds of years to engrain in all us, our ancestors were Culturally Conditioned and they passed it down to all of us, so it’s just a part of us.  I had a really close friend who used to say that he didn’t care about race, people are just people and although sometimes even I forget it, I think his rule is a good one.  I think that despite cultural differences and the stereotypes, if we all just show each other proper respect as people, our world will improve and perhaps in a couple of generations our children will be reconditioned making our country and our world a better place.

I’M JUST SAYIN!